i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
