I'm eating all of the evidence.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
