the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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