Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
