actually, I'm a sock model
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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