If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
