yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
