my phone needs a breathalizer
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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