Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
