Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
