I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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