She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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