I didn't shave. On purpose
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
