Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
