everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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