I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
