I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
