Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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