I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
