Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
