the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
