I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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