omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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