I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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