I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
