I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
