do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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