So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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