sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
