dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
