it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
