i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
