i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
