I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
