Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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