I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
