Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
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Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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