I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
