TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
two words: eviction party
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
