Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
