The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
