Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
