You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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