insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
