i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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