I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You smell like stripper and shame
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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