My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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