shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
