how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
