there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
