It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
