Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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