My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
