I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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