I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
