worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
