But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
