it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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