Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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