Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
