apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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