I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
